Year One

It's been a full year since I've made the huge step of moving here. I left behind my loving family, wonderful friends, loyal cats, rewarding job and a peaceful home to join my husband here, where I start with nothing. I have to learn a whole new language, adapt to the culture and literally find my bearings here.

Was it easy? I have to say "Yes" and "No". The first few weeks I took it easy. I left everything to Pete. He brought me around. I simply followed, opening my eyes wide to take in everything - the people, the places, the culture. Observing. That was the easy part. What made it easy was Pete. We are so lucky that we both speak a common language ( English, of course) very well and so it was easy to understand each other. He was always with me, explaining in detail every question that I had.

Also, since we established our relationship while we both were 9,000km apart for most of the time, being able to finally live together was wonderful. We stayed close to each other all the time and we held hands everywhere we go. We still do, so I guess the honeymoon period is still not over for us.

But after awhile, it started getting harder for me. From sharing a home with my parents, siblings and cats, I now share it with just one other person. The quiet was a bit hard to adjust to. I only have him to talk to when previously I would chat with my sister, be nagged at by my mum and fend off some attention seeking cats. But on the up side, the remote's all mine! I can watch whatever I wanted but the problem is the programs are all different. I missed all my food shows and they kept showing reruns of programs from way back in 2005. I missed MY cable tv!

I would listen to the radio in the kitchen as I cook. That's another big difference. Pete helped me set it to the Gold channel. Just like back home, they would play the oldies from the 60s - 90s. However, again here, they kept playing the same songs several times a day! I miss the radio channels back home.

Apart from having to adjust to this country, I also had an added stress - adjusting to married life. We had to adjust to living together. Just as how I had to adjust to living with just one other person, Pete had to adjust to sharing his apartment with me. He has been living alone for many years so it wasn't easy for him either. It was a bit rough in the beginning, but we have a lot of respect, patience and understanding for each other, not to mention that we love each other to bits. Whenever we faced issues, we would talk about them calmly. Sometimes we would talk about it over a couple of days until we finally work things out. That makes us understand and love each other even more.

Also, back home, I have lots of friends and I would hang out with them very often. Sometimes we would hang out until late, even. Ad no matter which of my friends I hang out with, we would have a lot of laughs. I'm not saying that Pete isn't fun. On the contrary. We share the same kind of humor and we would make each other laugh all the time. But it's not the same here since it's costly to go out to eat or watch movies. Pete is also the kind of guy who is happier staying at home than being out and he hates crowd. He does bring me out sometimes so that's fun but I have become more used to staying home now. It's fine by me since it is very comfortable at home. The weather outside could be too cold.

The weather! Another thing to adjust to. It was spring when I first moved here. I found it a bit chilly sometimes but I enjoyed spring and summer immensely. I also enjoyed the fall since I got to layer my clothes. Winter was awesome when it snowed but when the low temperatures felt like it was going on and on and I kept falling sick, I wished for the warmer weather back home.

On the whole though, it hasn't been too bad. Sometimes I would have bouts of homesickness. Then, I would either chat with my family or friends or just send them messages. I also enjoy meeting up with Pete's sisters and friends so we have been relatively social here. I also enjoy learning Swedish. My eyes light up when I learn new words and I feel a sense of satisfaction whenever I speak proper Swedish and am understood. That always surprises me since I think my accent prevents people of understanding me.

All in all, it has been a great first year. As I sit here and think about what I had gone through, I think about what was it that made me do it. How could I have simply left my old life? What was I thinking? Well, for me, the answer is simple - nothing. Just as how I worked out in the gym for hours everyday when I wanted to lose weight, or how I would wake up at 4am every weekend to train for a marathon. I would not think about it because the more I think, the more the doubts would creep in. I didn't allow the what-ifs to sneak into my head. After I decided that this would be the best thing for me, I summoned every ounce of courage I had and said goodbye to my old life.

Courage and faith. I had faith that things would be ok. And they are. I love it here and best of all, I am loved here too.

Ayam Masak Lemak - the smell of home

Whenever I start to feel like I'm missing my home and family, I would cook something that my mum would cook for us, something traditionally Malay. I had a whole chicken, fresh chillies and a can of coconut milk so I decided to make something that the whole family loves - my mum's ayam masak lemak. It's chicken cooked in a spicy coconut gravy. We have some fussy eaters in the family but everybody loves this.

It's a very simple recipe but the result is a very delicious dish that goes so well with freshly cooked rice. The first step to making this dish is frying the chicken pieces. While the chicken, which had been marinated with turmeric powder and salt, were frying, the smell was heavenly and it really took me back home. That's the smell of my kitchen whenever my mum cooked for us. My mum is such a great cook and whenever we smell chicken being fried, that meant that we were going to be in for a treat.

That smell also reminded me of all the times my mum got me to help her fry chicken while she prepared the rest of the ingredients or finished cooking other dishes. Funny how I didn't think to learn the recipes while she was cooking. All I knew was my usual tasks of frying the chicken or cutting up vegetables or something menial like that. Now that I'm away from home, I always have to rely on calling her to ask her for her recipes.

That reminds me too, of the time I asked for one of her recipes and the recipe I got was "$0.50 of cumin, $0.50 of coriander..." She's so cute! But I guess that's how it is with the older, experienced cooks. They don't really measure ingredients accurately. They go by feel and straight-forward eyeballing. Such experts.

But her recipes work for me, though I might have to adjust the quantities a bit. I'm only cooking for two while my mum is used to cooking big batches to feed all of us at home. Anyway, this recipe is quite foolproof, I think. I'll share the recipe here both as a way for me to remember it and also for some of my foodie friends to give it a go. Do try this. When the rice was cooking and the gravy was gently bubbling away, the smell in the kitchen was divine. It drew Pete into the kitchen several times to check on the dish, just as how my siblings and I would sneak into the kitchen to nick pieces of the chicken before the dish was done. We both couldn't wait to tuck in and with clean, empty plates after, you can bet it was a good dish.

Ayam Masak Lemak

1 whole chicken cut into 8 pieces
1 tbsp turmeric powder
1 tsp salt
Oil for deep frying

Marinate the chicken pieces in the turmeric powder and salt and fry them in batches just until the skin browns a bit and the chicken is half-cooked.

5 - 8 fresh red chillies
1 large onion
3 large cloves of garlic
3 tbsp oil
1 lemongrass
1 tsp turmeric powder
1 big can of coconut milk
1 cup water
1/2 a small cabbage, cut into smaller pieces
1 chicken stock cube
Salt to taste

Blend the chillies, onion and garlic. In a pot, heat the oil and fry the chili mixture, lemongrass and the turmeric powder until the mixture is dry (about 8 mins). Add the fried chicken, coconut milk, water and cabbage. Stir well and allow the mixture to boil. Add the chicken cube. Once the chicken is fully cooked, taste the gravy and adjust the seasoning by either adding more salt or water. Serve with rice.

I added carrots to mine 

City that never sleeps

It was past midnight. My friends and I have just finished watching a movie in a cinema close to where I used to live for 22 years. Though it was already late, we were feeling hungry. We reached the cinema late - just in time for the start of the movie, no time to buy popcorn or any of the usual movie snacks.

But we knew we were never far away from good food no matter how late it was. It being a weekend also gave us more options. The only problem we had was to choose what to eat.

I miss eating seafood when I was on Sweden so we went to a popular hangout for night owls like us. My friend drove us to the eastern part of the island and sure enough, the place was packed with other sleepless diners like us.

We found a table, picked up the extensive menu and tried to decide on our order. By the time our orders came, it was past 1am. That didn't diminish our appetites. We heartily tucked into crayfish in spicy noodles, cereal crayfish, a very Asian salad of gado-gado with satay, a plate of chicken rice and tall, cold glasses of refreshing drinks.

It was past 3am when I reached home that evening. After a shower and face time chat with Pete, I was ready for bed. The time was 0410.

This is so different from my life in Sweden. We are seldom out when it's dark, except during winter when it gets dark very early. Even if we wanted to stay out late, I have yet to find a place that's open later than 8pm.

Coming back home, I guess these late night suppers would be more common, especially when I'm hanging out with my friends who don't seem to need much sleep. But if means getting to have my fill of delicious local food and good company, I won't be complaining. I'll sleep better when I'm cuddling up to Pete any way.

Home for Hari Raya

In 12 hours, I will be on a plane back home.  The trip home was a last minute decision.  I was talking to my sister and mum on Face Time last Sunday and somehow, I was thinking about being there with them to celebrate Aidilfitri or Hari Raya as it's more commonly known back home.  The celebration starts at the end of the fasting month and this year, it falls on Sunday, just two days away. 

I have been planning to have a simple lunch here on Sunday with Pete's sisters and mum.  I have already decided on what to serve - all local Malay food, including the traditional pineapple tarts.  I wanted Pete and his family to have a taste of my tradition.  However, when I was talking to my family, I was sensing that they were a bit sad that I was not going to be there with them.  I have never been away from the family during hari raya, until now, that is.  During our conversation that day, the festive mood seemed to be absent.  They didn't seem to be excited as they told me about their preparations for the festivities.

I decided to talk to Pete about it and we thought that maybe I could go back and visit them.  I had to sort out some stuff and renew my passport anyway, so this would be the best time to go home.  Pete helped me to book the tickets the next day but I waited till two days ago to tell them since I wanted it to be a sort of a surprise. 

My mum was happy when I told her, but she was disappointed when she found out that Pete could not come with me.  He has to stay here since there are meetings and courses for him to attend.  He also has to continue to search for locations for our food business.  I will be away for two months so that I have enough time to settle whatever I need back home.  It's also a good time to go home for awhile before I start my Swedish classes and before our food business is up and running.  Once those things start, I doubt I would have time to go back home.

It will be fun to go home and meet my family and friends again.  Although I have only been here for a bit more than three months, I do miss the people back home.  I'll get to celebrate hari raya and my mum's birthday in September with the family. I'll get to meet up with my friends - I have already been invited to a BBQ.  I also have some stuff that I didn't get to bring with me in May.  I'm bringing three suitcases with me which hopefully will give me enough room to bring over more stuff.    

Pete has been so understanding about this since I am going to be away for a while.  We didn't plan on this so it is sort of a surprise for him as well.  I feel bad about leaving him alone for two months, especially since his birthday is coming soon .  But he is totally fine with it.   I decided to cook and freeze some of his favourite dishes. That's the least I could do since I didn't want him to have to go back to chips, fish sticks and take outs while I am away.   I have made lasagna, beef stew, meatballs, grilled chicken breasts and chicken pot pies, enough for maybe three weeks worth of food.  I also cut up some watermelon and baked karleks mums for dessert.  

I'm really having mixed feelings about this - happy and excited to be home with my family and friends, and yet sad to be away from Pete.  But I know that I would have to make the most of this trip.  I probably won't be going back any time soon after that.  So I will spend time with my family, meet up with my friends and eat as much chicken rice, nasi lemak and all the foods that I miss.  I know there's a lovely hari raya meal waiting for me and I'll be able to enjoy it very soon. 

The Ikea test

We passed the test.

We shopped for furniture at Ikea, got them home and assembled them with our relationship intact.  And we have not one, not two, but six pieces of Ikea furniture in our home.  And some of the furniture were not small, mind you.  The latest addition to the home is the wardrobe he bought for me to house my clothes and a chaise lounge for us to share while watching movies.

The Ikea experience for me here is totally different from back home.  My family and I have been fans of Ikea ever since they first opened in Katong, near to where Parkway Parade is now.  We love their simple yet cosy design.  Although we do get frustrated over some badly constructed pieces which made their assembly difficult, generally we do like to buy their furniture since the prices are relatively low and if you don't move them too much and if once in a while you tighten the screws, they do last.

I used to hate putting together the pieces with my father.  He would get frustrated when the pieces do not fit and would grumble as we worked.  It would get to the point where I'd rather do it myself and most of the time I would send him away and work on it alone or with my siblings.  In the end, what we'd do is to decide what we want, get them delivered and assembled for us.  We have to pay extra but, easy peasy.  No sweat, no swearing.

Here, it's totally different.  First of all, before we do anything, we have to agree on the furniture.  Luckily, Pete and I have no problems choosing something we both could agree on.  I thought that was the hardest part, actually.  Then I thought we only had to choose the pieces we want, we pay for them and then wait at home.  But no.  Here, hardly anyone have their furniture delivered.  They don't believe in it.  What they do is to rent small trailers and get them hitched to the back of their cars.  They load everything there, drive and then carry their furniture into their homes.

When his mum bought her car, we could finally get a trailer and so we went to Ikea this afternoon.  Back home, Saturdays at Ikea means long queues at the restaurant and long queues at the cashier counters.  But it was not crowded at all here.  We could shop and eat in peace.  The hard work would come later.

We bought a chaise lounge (Kivik) and a two-door wardrobe (Brimnes).  We also bought 4 pieces of wood 3.3m in length for our vegetable beds in the garden.  Once we got to the driveway near our apartment, Pete and I had to carry the heavy pieces to the main door about 100m away, open the door, get into the lift and into our home.  And boy were they heavy.  Although we have a trolley to help us, the weight of the wood meant that we still had to use a lot of strength to move them.  As we took trip after trip to get everything up, I could feel my legs getting a good work out.  I'm lucky we're in Sweden where it's nice and cool even in summer.  Even with all the effort, I didn't break a sweat.

And luckily for me, I married a strapping Viking.  He did most of the work, even carrying the planks which are too long for the elevator up the stairs.  They were very heavy.  Getting the planks inside was my job and I could only carry one plank at a time.  He also had to move the old dining table and sofa bed to his mum's while I stayed to try put something together.

I managed to push our furniture around to make space to assemble the lounge.  I took a deep breath and then started ripping the box apart.  I was ready to tackle what I thought was going to be a messy operation, but I got a pleasant surprise.  It turned out I only had to hammer the legs to the bottom and put the cushions on.  Anti-climax.

The wardrobe, though, was the complete opposite.  First of all, it came in two heavy boxes.  I had to wait for him to get home before I could start.  I had trouble even opening the boxes.  The manual that came with it was 28 pages long and there were 29 steps altogether.  We've built our dining table and metal workstation together with no problems.  But this wardrobe looks like a massive job.  As I looked at the hinges, screws and nails, I wondered, "Would we be able to do it?"

Thankfully we were.  We worked very well together, even though we took 1hr 36mins from start to finish.  We know because we timed ourselves.  Needless for me to say, Pete has put together enough Ikea furniture to be able to make sense of the directions.  I only needed to follow his instructions. Throughout, we joked and teased each other and most importantly, we used each other's strength to put the ten pieces of wood into a working wardrobe.

"Is this a test to see if I'm fit to live in Sweden?" I teased him.  "No, it's a test to see if you're fit to be with me," he teased back.

I don't think we passed the test.  We aced it.

my wedding dress was the first to go into the new wardrobe

OMG, no COE!

I was reading news online about my home and came across news that the COE prices have dipped slightly.  Back home, COE, or Certificate of Entitlement, is a highly sought after piece of paper that allows the bearer to buy a car.  Being a tiny dot of an island, the COE was devised by the government to limit car ownership and control the number of cars on the road.  Residents would have to bid for their right to buy a motor vehicle and the number of certificates are deliberately restricted.  Since first implemented in 1990, the prices of the COEs have increased, especially in the last 5 years.

As of yesterday, the price of a COE for a big car is SD$85,216, SD$58, 800 for small cars and SD$1,890 for motorcycles.  Those prices are only for the right to buy a car, so a Toyota Camry would cost SD$160,000.

It's such a coincidence for me to read the news and the discussion that ensued, which for most part consists of the citizens venting their anger and frustration at the government's handling of the situation.  It's a coincidence because just before I plonked myself down in front of the computer, I tagged along with Pete and his mum and sis to look at used cars.  His mum wanted to buy a car so we tagged along since Pete and his sister didn't want her to get ripped off or something.

She had already searched online for a car and found one that she liked.  Pete and his sister suggested going to used car dealerships to look at more cars, so that was what we did this afternoon.  And boy, coming from the land of COEs (my family car cost SD$90,000 for a Mazda 3), what an eye-opener for me.

We found Volvos, Audis, BMW, VW and Merc for just a fraction of what the COEs cost.  Yeah, they have probably been through multiple owners and some are really old but they are still serveable.  We went to three places and I found some nice ones that are hardly SD$20,000.  It's a pity I have no driver's license or I would also have bought one on the spot.

Public transport is rather good here.  The buses and trains are clean and on time.  There's more than enough buses and trains for the passengers (I only had to stand in the bus on only one occasion since I got here) and the commute is smooth and fast.  For now, I am happy just taking public transport.  But in future, maybe I could take some time to get that license and a car.  Comparing the prices here with those back home, I am really tempted to do so. 

Anyway, after looking at the cars, Pete's mum still opted to buy the car she first had her eye on.  It's '93 Mazda 626 with a detachable hitch at the back to harness a trailer to the car.  Although it is an old one, the interior was clean and looked well maintained.  As she drove us home, she said that she loves the feel of the car.  And I agree.  The maroon car suits her and the ride was smooth.  The best part, it costs just SEK7,000 or roughly SD$1,400.

Tastes of home

I was unpacking one of my bags on Sunday when I found a sweet surprise.  A kind soul has stuffed a box of 2 mini jars of Ya Kun kaya without my knowledge!  I only found out later that it was Salinah, a good old, family friend.  I was thinking of saving it for when I get homesick.

But today, when my two loaves of crusty bread came out of the oven, the smell was too tempting.  I decided to have kaya toast for tea.  So after we came back from Pete's meeting in town, we set down in the kitchen to have our tea.

I slathered my thick slice of bread with butter, followed by a dollop of kaya.  With a hot mug of raspberry tea, the first bite was mmm...heavenly.  The only thing that would make it better is a cup of teh si (milky tea) but I am satisfied.

Pete had his bread the way the Swedes like to have it: with butter and cheese.  I topped his with some slices of tomatoes and radish, to make an open faced sandwich.

We walked around a lot in town today, so our tea time delight was such a treat!

I am home

I am home.  

The moment I stepped off the plane, I knew where to go, how long it’ll take at the immigration - which was always a brief, cursory glance at my face and then a quick stamp on my passport – and where Pete would be waiting for me.

When Pernilla drove us across the Öresundsbron, I could see the flat, green fields and the blue sky of Malmö.  I knew in a few minutes, I’d be greeted by the strong, cold winds as I walk up to the door leading to our apartment.  

And sure enough, my teeth were chattering as I waited for Pete to unlock the main door for us to get into the building.  We waited patiently for the old elevator to make its way down and loaded up my suitcases and bags and soon we’re in the cosy lil’ apartment, where some of my stuff are already waiting for me.

I am home.

But it wasn’t an easy journey.  It was so very difficult to leave my old home of 37 years.  Not the place.  I wouldn’t really miss the place much.  But I couldn’t bear to leave my family and friends.  The scene back at the airport that I left behind was hard to replay in my head.  But that was what I kept remembering throughout the 12hour flight, which explains my swollen eyes at the end.

It was especially hard to leave my mum and sister.  I guess we girls are very close.  I can’t even write about them now without tearing up.  Yes. The wounds are still fresh.  

I didn’t expect to cry as much when I was saying goodbye to my aunts, cousins and friends, though.  And I didn’t expect them to cry that much either.  I know I’ll miss all of them.  We have all shared many, many memories but I never expected them to be so affected by my move.  I guess I didn’t expect that this decision I’ve made with Pete could affect other people as well.  

But we all must look ahead.  They have to get used to doing things without me.  And I…I have plenty more things to adjust to.  Though the changes I will be going through could and would be tough, I know I can do it because I have my Pete with me. 

Yes.  I am home.