It's been a week since I got home. I should have written in this blog but I haven't really been myself since then. I was feeling a bit...lost. Displaced. Disoriented. I guess after having adapted to living in Sweden for just three months, I had to leave it behind and go back to my old life.
I spent two months back home and in that time, I got used to living there again. There's nothing to 'get used to' since I basically picked up from where I left my old life.
I visited relatives during the Aidilfitri celebrations. I met up with friends and hung out, sometimes at odd hours of the night. I went shopping with my sister. I baked and cooked in the hot kitchen. I played with my cats. I even had a short stint as a relief teacher. And as in the past, before I moved here, the only time I got to see and talk to Pete was through FaceTime.
And then after having a great time back home, I had to leave my family and friends and get back to Pete and my life here. There wasn't too many tears at the airport this time. I tried to keep the goodbyes brief. The emotional, teary send-off in May was too tough to get over so I didn't want a repeat. But I guess I really needed to get the tears out since they would eventually find their way out. I discovered it just a few minutes ago before I sat down to write this. I wanted to have tea and some of the marble cake that my cousin baked for me the day I left for Malmo. But when I found out that the cake that I have been savouring little by little each day has turned bad, I started crying. But the tears weren't for the cake.
The tears were for the family and friends I left back home. The tears were a reminder to me that I have lots of people I love back home, waiting for me. My loved ones. They are awesome. They made my stay so wonderful with their kindness and generosity and patience. I know they have always been amazing, and now here, 9000km away, I am wondering if I have shown them my gratitude for all they have done for me - not only during my two months there, but throughout the time they know me.
If I have, I know it's not enough. So, my dear family members and awesome, awesome friends, thank you for all that you've done for me. My trip back has shown me that I am a lucky, lucky girl to be blessed with such amazing family and friends. I know I wouldn't be here if I didn't know I have such strong people as my parents, siblings, cousins and friends. All of you being so supportive of me being here...well, it really means a lot to me. It makes me feel comforted.
And being here, I know I have people that love me as well. Pete and his family has been amazing too. They make me feel so welcomed and I do feel like a part of the family.
I guess thinking about it, the lost feeling I had at the beginning of the week was just homesickness. What I need now is to have more Face Time chats with people back home, when the internet connection is not wonky, that is. Hopefully I'll be back to my normal self soon.
For now, I still feel a bit emotional. I should then try to think about how lucky I am for unlike most people, I have two places I can call home.
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